i will BE organized

The Journey to Organization. . the Road to a wannabe Cleanie

It’s too frustrating!!! January 25, 2008

Filed under: nameless — mikailani @ 1:13 pm

I used to be oh so organized, everything had a place, everything had a nice container, labeled, laundry was well kept. . the only thing I was always troubled about was the trail SO left everytime. . . I degressed, I lowered my standards and stopped caring.. I look at my home now, and I’m stuck in a real deep dark hole, and my only enlightment, unfortunatly, are my happy pills.

Shoe Closet – a MESS. Kitchen – a MESS. Living Room – a MESS. Laundry – undone and definitely a MESS. Master bedroom – a MESS.

Sometimes it’s so damn hard to keep a top when you can barely float.

There’s one thing I forgot to mention. . . I have 2 full time jobs, I stay in 2 different homes, I barely have any sleep and oh, I have a daughter I’m raising. During the weekdays, I catch sleep at my parents home. I work during the day and then wake up to work graveyards, only to repeat the cycle again. I focus my energy at work, since my performance is my asset. Second to that is my daughter. Luckily, I have family helping me take care of her and off load some responsibilities when I’m asleep. I have the weekends off which I come home to a mess. I then spend my whole weekend cleaning up. . The cycle then continues.

I can’t off load any work to SO since he’s studying for his nursing exams, yet it’s quite frustrating because the work is just never done. We have as much allybies for the housework. .

My plan for this year was to put everything in a positive point of view, but there are just sometimes when I feel like I need to give up. I’ve been so entrapped with responsibilities and expectations I just want to end it all. .

I know the end of the tunnel is near, but everytime I think I’ve reached the end, it just curves back into another tunnel . .

I guess my only other choice is to work on it. I have to swallow yet another anxiety pill and deal with it. No one else will help me. . . No one else understands my frustrations. . . No one else sees the pain beyond my smiles. . I’m alone, and if travelling along is the way out, then be it.

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